Who should spend more on the family: he or she?
Should a man provide a family?
It doesn't matter what the relationship is called - cohabitation or civil marriage, but if a couple starts living together - this is already a family. In the project, at the stage of testing and lapping to each other, but not two people living by themselves. All the men with whom I spoke, unanimously argued that if not all, then in any case, the man must take over most of the expenses. This is not negotiable or negotiable - this is the norm. Utility payments, the minimum set of products for survival, the cost of a car and gasoline - the man is obliged to provide all the elementary Spartan set for himself and for the girlfriend with whom he lives. This is the foundation, the material basis of relationships. A man is aware of the need to provide a woman and easily accepts such living conditions as a matter of course.
At the same time, everything was rather reluctant, but they nevertheless admitted that they would not refuse if the woman also took part in the joint budget.Not because they want it, but because sometimes the situation requires it. Men are often ready to live together and register relationships, but, understanding the desires and needs of women, postpone these events. Elementally aware that they will not materially pull all requests.
Then what should a woman pay for?
For common excesses. A man takes responsibility for survival and living together within the framework of what is most needed, so that you do not die of hunger and end up on the street for debts in a communal flat. A woman in these Spartan conditions should keep home. She can pamper a man with food by buying something delicious and preparing dishes that go beyond standard dumplings and scrambled eggs. Yes, a man will buy eggs and butter. But you can buy milk, flour and make him pancakes or a pie. Money here plays a greater role of care than a direct financial infusion. This may be a payment for the general Internet, some money for gas, if a man takes each morning and takes you away from work. Small and feasible purchases for the home: a rug in the bathroom, so that your chosen one does not slap his bare heels on the cold tile, the toaster,to have time to have breakfast with a hot sandwich, curtains to get elementary sleep, - a woman can do.
And what about the big expenses?
Here the opinions of the respondents were divided. One friend laughed, explaining that he was able to buy a second computer in an apartment or take a friend to the sea: “I don’t even know how to say that. We are going to Egypt, with you so much? It even sounds like an idiot. ” I hurried to agree. Another man, by the way, a young dad, explicitly stated that the vouchers should be, if not in half, then at least in a clubhouse. Family and children - this is already a slightly different format of recreation and financial obligations. I hurried to agree with this.
When living together the union of capital is reasonable and beneficial. You can quickly make repairs and change plumbing, buy a car or go on vacation more than once a year. But such a merger of finances is best done when you are married. Whoever says about the meaninglessness of the stamp in the passport, but in the case of a divorce, he gives at least some guarantees. Imagine that you are meeting a man and you bought a sofa for a rented apartment together.Or they made repairs in the apartment, which the man bought and called you to live in it. And the relationship took and did not work out. Won't you cut the sofa? Or to remove a sink in the kitchen, because you bought it with your money? Cohabitation - a powerless trap for a woman. Many enthusiastically rush to the altar of the future home, when the pair still do not have enough confidence. And as a result - regrets not only about the time spent, but also about money.
Who should make decisions?
Finance should manage the one who is better able to do it. It is indisputable. If you save better, then it is better for a man to entrust money to your hands. If you are prone to mindless impulsive purchases, it is better to give the reins of financial management to your partner. But in either case the condition is important - understanding the importance of each expense item.
Talking to men about the delicate subject of money, I often heard fears about unreasonable spending. For example, when suddenly she wants a new bag for 15-30 thousand, a trip to the Dominican Republic, a new car, a repair, a simulator to the bedroom, which she hardly will be engaged in. Many women do not know how to convey their requests, so men see only the price tag, not understanding how to spend a quarter million for a week in another country.It's not even that they are against a new purse or a ringlet, but that women do not give an account of the financial side of their desires. The budget is common, the money seems to be there, but the man is not always ready to pull the accumulated man out of the bush with difficulty. Because he has his desires: a new winter tire, a body kit for a motorcycle or a motorcycle itself, a more powerful computer or a new phone. After all, if the budget is common, then a man can also take from a pot.
I read the most effective, if the total family budget - the target. Both a man and a woman are laying aside for something in which they agreed. Yes, we need repairs in the bathroom, we combine financial efforts to make it as quickly as possible. No, we do not need a coat for 350 thousand with a total income of 80 thousand. We will save for three years, denying ourselves the rest and the elementary variety of the food basket. Yes, we need a bigger car, but not now. Therefore, we would rather accumulate first to an apartment in which children will appear, and then to a larger car, in which we will carry them.
Do I have to give everything?
Not a single man agreed to give his salary to the second half. Even if she has a degree in economics and manages finances like the Lord God.Nobody wants to ask you about money, even if the budget is common and allows you to take it from a common box. Anyway, all men have personal savings in their pockets, and it’s unwise to claim them, even if you have a target piggy bank. Because in this lies the confidence and financial independence of men. And from this money unplanned surprises and signs of attention happen. And in order for you not to frustrate your partner with the desire of new boots for the price of two sets of winter tires, you must also have your own money.
I am very impressed with the idea that a woman does not work and is under the financial protection of a man. And men, according to the survey, would like the same! Why is this so rare in a relationship? Because often ladies behave tactlessly and awkwardly, not understanding that asking a new car from a man with a salary of 40 thousand is pretty unreasonable. He, of course, could sell the kidney, but asking a healthy person for a disability or a more humane credit slavery is quite impudent. It is no less strange to persuade a man to travel when he plans to buy the car he needs to work and maintain his family.And it is even more inappropriate to get upset and offended when you are given a reasonable refusal to a request that is unreasonable in specific circumstances. And in order not to expose their desires to an adequacy test once again, do not doubt: “But I don’t want much? And is it possible to ask for it? ”- a woman must necessarily have income and money that she is free to spend on anything.
How to start a conversation about finance?
The financial side of living together and relationships in general must be decided BEFORE you have gathered, before there is a certain system of expenses “by default”. There is nothing shameful or embarrassing about an open question, who will pay for a communal or buy food. Men are by nature more practical and consistent, so in such a discussion there will be no taboo topics. You can honestly say that you do not want to work and planned only a small income for your needs. You can immediately identify financial goals, for example, buy a large double bed instead of an old sofa. Maybe the man on it lived for thirty years, maybe even two will fit on it, but this is not a door from the Titanic, on which it is possible to show miracles of a compact arrangement.
It looks much more ridiculous when he and she lived together with a separate budget, got married, lived in a marriage, and then only a woman declares that she always wanted to be a housewife. And the man fundamentally disagrees, because he married an independent ambitious lady. And the prospect that she will sit on the neck, proportionally overgrown with extra pounds and children, seems at least unfair to him. It will be easier and easier for everyone when desires and expectations are voiced in advance, when the budget is distributed to spending, and not after the fact of an urgent purchase.
Life together as a pool of capital is always more effective than separate investment. Together, it is always faster and easier to achieve what you want. And a joint budget is one of the tools that either strengthens trust between partners or opens everyone’s eyes to the real situation. And so that this does not happen too late, the financial side of the relationship should be approached wisely.
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