Is loneliness a new luxury?
Singles, even those who live to the full ". It is more positive to be with someone and under someone than to flutter around wherever you look, because, as in the name of that famous book, the ease of being is unbearable. “I am unhappy because nobody loves me” is a mantra that millions of us repeat and hope that this is a temporary stage and that a miracle will fix everything. Why are we so painfully afraid of loneliness that we are ready to quickly turn into “vampires” in a relationship, but just do not fall asleep alone on a huge bed?
The ancient philosopher-idealist Plotinus defined the life cycle as a flight del solo al solo - from solitude to solitude. In other words, according to Plotinus, the soul departs from solitude to live in society, but then returns to its starting point. It is interesting that in itself this word “solitude” in our dictionaries is interpreted as something negative, synonymous with the words “outback”, “loneliness”, “wilderness”,and the action itself “to be alone” means to live a savage, shy away from people, lock yourself up, isolate yourself, although you can understand from your own experience that seclusion is not such a terrible idea. For example, in Goncharov's lines "I love silence, solitude, books, music ..." this very solitude is associated almost with a hobby or with the same state in which we are pleased to indulge in our favorite pursuits.
By the way, Plotinus himself deciphered this solitude as the ability to be completely himself, which is characteristicly reflected in the English word alone as the idea of all in one or the whole in one person. Plotinus's views have found their continuation in modern analytical psychology, which says that the integration of an individual occurs through its individualization, which in itself sounds paradoxical: in order to become part of the whole, one must first know oneself. And for this loneliness is vitally important for us ...
And now, without plunging deeper into linguistics or philosophy, let us try to understand how loneliness can be useful for us and why (at least for a while) we should stop running away from it.
Loneliness will help you become the best version of yourself
It is said that the people you love let you do your best. But this happens only in a healthy, harmonious relationship. Otherwise, fears, disappointments, weaknesses come to the surface. You can wait for a meeting with a person as a miracle that will completely change your whole life, and then unexpectedly discover that his appearance did not bring you more confidence and did not make life more rich, but, on the contrary, gave way to complexes and phobias. To establish a connection with itself and with its inner content is still better alone, to come to relations as an improved version of itself, as a formed personality, which with itself is comfortable, which means it will be comfortable with others.
Loneliness can be even more productive than relationships
Indeed, in this case, you invest energy in yourself, and not in another person. All the time you have at your disposal you can spend on your plans, putting your own life in order and following your goals. In relations, we are quite logical to translate the view of a partner and begin, each in its own degree, to push the necessary for himself in favor of the right "for him" or "for both."That is why the chance to be alone should be used as a period for productive actions.
Alone, you become more careful in your desires.
Having learned comfort in solitude, you start looking for a partner not by external characteristics or a banal-journal “educated and without bad habits”, but by how a person looks at his own life and is ready to interact with you. You are waiting for a person who will add something to the composition, and not build your world from scratch. And when you get acquainted with him, you assess his personality as a whole, and not just the fact of his interest in you, which earlier would be enough to make you happy.
Conscious loneliness allows you to find a better partner
As soon as you come to harmony with yourself without the presence of a stranger next to you, then you suddenly begin to understand what the phrase “better than one than anyone” meant - it is a luxury to find your happiness where most people don’t even look for it . This is a strong-willed decision to refuse (even for a while) from sacrificing oneself to others, because “it is necessary”, because “without love, life is incomplete”.To see this romanticized deception and to understand that all around carefully and carefully normalize the fact that women in a relationship soon lose what they find, choose loneliness and start to enjoy it seriously - this is not the way to a "complete selfish person", but to a woman who clearly knows , what will be the same partner for which she will give up the most expensive - from seclusion with herself.
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