How to live with a bore?
It is difficult and unpleasant to recognize yourself as a bore, and therefore people usually justify their behavior like this: “I love it when everything lies in its place. And I like socks, also. What is it? ”,“ I myself do everything qualitatively, and therefore I have to listen and perform, ”“ When preparing the holiday table at work, they called me a pedant. For what? For forcing everyone neatly smearing butter onto bread, and not throwing it at random? I love aesthetics, what's wrong with that? ”,“ My child should live in safety. So what if I demand maximum observation from everyone? Yes, and a three year old can fall. It must be caught. Why bruises? ”
First, let's figure out where the tediousness comes from?
- Character traits
There is such a kind of people who are boring almost from early childhood. Such people are characterized by increased anxiety and distrust of others. In childhood, they criticize all the teachers who do not want to understand the younger generation, and their surroundings: “All morons, I am one normal.” Having matured, they learn to grumble about improperly standing dishes, irrational use of space in the closet, wrong management policy ...At the same time, they constantly assert that “you cannot trust anyone, everything must be done by yourself. That would have let me into the government, I would, I would have another. ” In fact, such people need support and comfort. How to provide it, just below.
- Professional deformation
If the bore is a specialist in standardization and certification, talking about what all the cheaters are all about, there is only soy in the sausage and a flavor enhancer, cane sugar is not on sale - this is ordinary tinted sugar, you are provided. If he is an expert in health and safety, it is likely that you will often listen: "Do you watch the chicken?", "Do we have something burned?", "Don't be horny, your posture is spoiled," "You, that do you not know that burn blisters can not be pierced? "," Do not hang a picture above the bed, it can fall at night. " The problem of a person with professional deformation is that he cannot relax after work and hardly switches to home mode.
- Physiology of age
After 25 years, the growth and development of nerve fibers ceases, and consequently, the activity of excitation and inhibition processes decreases.As a result, a cheerful and convivial person can eventually become a moody and tedious moralist.
- Intellectual level
A number of psychologists also claim that in some people the degree of boring is inversely proportional to their intelligence. And therefore, if you meet a man and notice that he scolds everyone like a pensioner on a bench, driving the motherboard of everyone passing through, answer the question: is this person exactly your level?
- Stage of addiction in family life
You have been together for quite a long time, and your partner is no longer touched by your habit of yawning loudly, so he is making remarks to you with might and main. Yes, and you're tired of listening to his constant slamming of doors and shuffling gait. And that he is a good lover, an excellent breadwinner, you forgot. Here it is, the human property of the psyche - to perceive the good as the norm, and the bad as something catastrophic.
- Way to attract attention
Many people are not just annoying for any reason, but also behave aggressively at the same time - they humiliate them by pointing to shortcomings. This is due to psychological immaturity, when I strongly wanted attention in childhood and the child received less of it.All kids eventually understand: "The louder I scream, the faster they will approach me." Therefore, small crying, capricious, begging toys, teenagers scream and wither, and adults grumble and ache. They even find it difficult to express their positive emotions, so quickly they are replaced by negative ones.
- Stealth and inability to respond to stress
On particularly unlucky days, problems grow like a snowball. The penalty for improper parking, improperly issued documents, the cargo detained at the customs, the littered reports - how to cope with all this at a time? No That's why a snowball breaks down on completely innocent people.
- The exact wording of the request / request
It has been said more than once that male thinking requires the accuracy of giving instructions. Not all men have such an intuition, and not everyone will think: “And what did she really want?” And therefore, if you need to know, for example, the weather, you shouldn’t ask: “How many degrees are on the street?” - He can answer: "Did not look."Ask for a better look at the thermometer or turn on the TV channel with the weather.
- Emphasis on pros
Before being offended by non-aggressive tediousness, pay attention: after all, he is telling the truth. Do not turn off the light when you leave - it is not only wasteful, but also unsafe. If he asks every day not to leave the washed laundry in the washer, this does not mean that he wants to damage. Indeed, the drum sags from heavy laundry. Sometimes it takes years to gratefully accept comments on a case.
If your man needs attention, like a small child (buzzing, capricious), you should think: maybe he really does not care, caring and participating? Maybe for a long time you and your partner have been living on a machine, in a union, where everyone is busy with himself? For a sincere conversation, it’s worth choosing not your apartment, but, for example, a walk in the fresh air, a pleasant cafe. Invite him and in a relaxed atmosphere say that now you see a lot of irritability and a little love. Assure that your love has not disappeared, she hid and is waiting for everything to change for the better.
- Fight against stealth
If you don’t teach your beloved man to share problems with you, he will get lost. Even if you are not interested in how things are at work, in the garage, with friends - ask yourself, overcome yourself. Let him complain (this is normal and necessary!), Let him protect himself, let him find out with you. Be always on the side of your half, even if the whole world turns its back on it.
- Transformation of aggression and struggle against stress
If your bore is also an aggressor, it can not be tolerated in any way. In short, it is important to explain to an aggressive bore that such behavior is unacceptable, his remarks are offensive and unpleasant to others, in particular to you. And after such words you don’t want to do anything for him. A good option in response to aggression: “I will not communicate in such a tone. Continue when you get cold. ” One of my clients hung up for her husband-nerds several reminder notes with the following phrases: “Good lives here”, “It is forbidden to swear in our family”, “Fight at work”. He says he took it calmly, he knows his militant character as well as he, he began to control himself.
And what about stress? Discuss the possibility of removing it without bloodshed.For example, with the help of evening walks together, massage, exercise, board games, vacation planning and the like.
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